I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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