our cab driver is having phone sex.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
