Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
