Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
