A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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