It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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