Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
