I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was born a porn star she said
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
