Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
