Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
