I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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