I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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