i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
