Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
