I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
