in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
