Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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