Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Btw I puked in your glovebox
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
