the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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