OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
