so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
