I showed him my bush... on skype.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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