if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
