i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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