I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
