Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
