She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
