tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
