In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
