NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
