An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
