Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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