Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
