What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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