did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
