You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
