Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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