you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
