Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
