honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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