Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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