She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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