How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
