fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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