im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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