how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
