it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
