Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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