Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
