shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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