So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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