Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
