Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
