Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
