gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
