They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
