Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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