absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
